Those days at the beach are drawing to a close. The long afternoons and brief nights are ebbing. The air is turning colder, and good breather children everywhere are being forced out of summer break to once again attend class.

The Fall is coming.

Someone once told me a vampire’s existence is better measured in seasons than years. Years are temporary. Seasons are eternal. They are markers, each representing a perspective, a unique point of view on the passing years, far beyond the space of time that houses them. The same can be said of vampires. A number on a calendar means nothing to us. A single year little different than a single day. But over a long enough span, patterns do emerge. We change and evolve, shifting from one period of our lives to another, with changes as stark as the frozen winter to the warm summer nights.

Enough stalling.

I’m leaving Bloodcopy indefinitely, starting tonight. Another site has been gracious enough to house it in the meantime, so you can still access any part of Bloodcopy on the HBO web site. (www.hbo.com/trueblood)

There are a number of reasons for my departure, though I suppose the most direct involves some unfinished business with an old friend. It’s nothing dangerous or criminal (sorry, devout FOTS members), but it does require my full attention and could easily lead to greater changes in my future.

You could say I’m entering the next season of my life.

This wouldn’t be the first time I’ve suspended this site, so I won’t be rash and swear I’ll never return. Of course, the first time I left I was human. I must admit my farewell message that time still amuses me, where I claimed I was off to seek out new creatures in the world. Little did I know I’d become one of them.

This time I’m going to try a different approach. I’ll resist the temptation to expound on the state of human/vampire co-existence, the strides and back steps we’ve taken, the uncertain future facing us. I won’t recount my incredible experience as a member of Gawker, the new oddities I’ve faced since my maker called me back home. I won’t even thank each and every single person who’s joined me along the way. Comment on their insightful comments and thoughtful contributions. Tell them I’ve learned far more from them than they could ever from me.

I’ve said all these things before.

Instead, I’ll simply wish you pleasant evenings on your own travels. And do take good care.

Vampires may not be the only other creatures sharing your world.

*(Yes, this is an image from a video posted by the FOTS. But given the Newlins’ recent troubles, I figured they wouldn’t mind if I borrowed it for usage on my sinful, non-wholesome pro-vampire site.)

Now, on to the main event. Quick update on the mass hypnosis turning local breathers into maddened children:

Nothing’s changed.

In fact, things may even be getting worse. From all accounts the police station is in shambles, the streets are littered with trash, and someone pilfered the top choices from the local butcher. One, ahem, under-clad couple romping outside my home happily informed me the “God who Comes” is coming. Not sure what that means, but I’m caught between hoping this alleged deity shows up to put an end to the whole mess and fearing the arrival may worsen matters.

Really, I’d love to ignore it altogether. This seems to be a human mess, by and large. But frankly, it’s annoying. I much prefer Bon Temps as it was before and would gladly see it return to form. Fortunately, there may be help on the way.

I’ve heard whisperings that the Queen herself is expecting a visitor from the area. Though it could be about another matter altogether, I’d at least like to think it’s related to our little homespun human problem.

Given that this blog is read by mixed company, I’m not at liberty to provide details about the Queen or the larger vampire hierarchy. But let me put it this way: if every vampire in the region were part of one big company, the Queen would be the big boss. Just getting an audience with her is no small honor. She’s wise, powerful, and from what I’ve heard, excellent at party games. If anyone will know how to end the cranial occupation, it’ll be her.

Let’s just hope she’s in a sharing mood.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I can’t bear the noise outside my home any longer. There must be somewhere I can find peace and quiet in this town. I think I’ll try Merlotte’s.

Sarah Newlin recently presented her latest “Reflections of Light” video on the FOTS website. Being a vampire, you might assume I’d automatically despise anything she says out of principle. But in this instance, she actually makes one valid point, specifically her objection to vampirism as a “hip trend.” Here, I couldn’t agree more. Vampire have existed for centuries, and though humanity at large has only recently been made aware of us, the notion of people flocking to join our ranks or emulate us simply because it’s new and exciting is both dangerous and imprudent. Living as a vampire is a permanent and serious choice, and not one to be taken lightly.

Of course, the rest of the video is pure schlock. For those of you who don’t want to waste a few minutes of your life listening to bigotry, here’s the crib notes version:

Hi I’m Sarah Newlin look at me I’m pretty and have blonde hair and perfect teeth just like all those girls you wished you took to prom.  My husband uses more hairspray than I do but that’s okay because we are righteous and good and have lots of friends unlike those evil, mean nasty vampires who want to eat your babies.   And as I finish we’ll fade to white as a metaphor for goodness and light just in case you didn’t get the message because why be holy when you can be holier than thou?

Nicely done, Sarah.  Nicely done.

It’s a natural part of life. Or death, depending on your point of view. At some point in their existence, a vampire may end up turning another. The reasons are varied, but one thing remains constant. A newly turned vampire will leave their old life behind, meaning by and large their maker is their only true family. It falls on the maker to be a role model, a teacher and companion, at least for a time. Ultimately, the maker and progeny often part ways, but the bond remains. Years, decades, even centuries can pass, and if the maker calls, the vampire must answer it.

The relationship is complex and goes beyond the human concept of family bonds, but inevitably there is a parental component to it. And just as humans reach a point where they begin to declare their independence, become their own selves, vampires also come to create their own existence beyond their maker’s teaching.

Which brings me to this past weekend. After calling me back to Bon Temps, my maker returned overseas. Friday evening she made a surprise visit, nominally to settle affairs. I owe my maker my very existence and there is nothing I would not do for her. Sharing my humble nest, arranging for human day laborers to dry clean her clothes, chauffeuring her around on any number of errands- it gave me pleasure to serve her. However, she also took the opportunity to offer constructive criticism on how I’m living my afterlife, ranging from how I’ve decorated my nest to my choice of friends to my “taste in that obscene music” (her term for anything written after 1890).

She certainly meant well. It’s simply her opinion on how her progeny should exist. But, like countless breathers in their teenage years, I had to assert my independence.  Remind her that I am not her. I am my own vampire, and have the right to make my own choices. While her reaction was less than ideal, I think we made serious progress.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to finish raking the yard. Again.

Recently stumbled upon the newest shapeshifter video making it’s way around the “interwebs”- in this case a segment of “World’s Greatest Pet Bloopers” where an adorable Yorkie hoping to place at a dog show morphs into a decidedly less adorable stark naked man. Though I’m no authority, it was always my understanding shapeshifters controlled their transformations. Given this recent spat of canines cum primates caught on film, one has to wonder if the ability to take animal form carries with it a proclivity for exhibitionism.

On a side note, while the judges were shocked and horrified, they did give the human high marks for obedience.

This is Jason Stackhouse. He’s been suspected (and acquitted) of a few murders recently, but luckily, he’s now found his calling, joining the crusade to rid the world of the vampire menace. Like Jason, you can join in too and share in His Holy Light; all you need is a pure heart, stout belief that vampires are inherently evil, and a major credit card (though I believe cash is preferred).

Yes, turns out that leadership conference I mentioned a few weeks ago is in full swing, as Rev. Steve Newlin has set about training the next wave of bigoted breathers looking to stamp out anything with fangs. Not content to simply let these “great young leaders” find their place in the Rev. Newlin’s army of hate, I’ve made it my business to find out exactly what’s going on at this Texas retreat.

Lucky for me, I can be quite resourceful, and have managed to get an inside track of the itinerary. For those of you who just can’t wait until you’re “chosen” to join in (or don’t’ have enough money to cover it), you’ve missed out on a rousing game of capture the flag, talented thespians improving how to best confront those misguided vampire sympathizers, and a performance by Amanda Jayne of her new song “Jesus Asked Me Out Today.” Almost enough to make me wish I were still human and eligible to join. Only the exact opposite.

So why single out Mr. Stackhouse? Apparently he’s gotten special recognition, both from Rev. Newlin and his wife, Sarah. Kudos Jason- on behalf of the vampire community I’d like to offer my sincere congratulations.

Maybe sometime we vampires will have the chance to tell you in person.

Bon Temps police have yet another murder case to add to the docket.

Just when I was starting to get all the events of the past few weeks straight, I just learned a body was found in the squad car of Officer Andy Bellefleur.  Officer Bellefleur is not a suspect at this time, as local whispers suggest he was nestled away at the bottom of a bottle when the crime occurred.

The victim has been identified as Nancy LeVoir, a cashier at DeSoto’s pharmacy who also moonlighted as a voodoo priestess of sorts who went by the nom de plume “Miss Jeanette.”  Of course, some have already jumped on the bandwagon and assume a vampire must somehow be involved (clearly not paying attention to the body count register I submitted last post).

In a small bit of silver lining, the victim has since been in contact with Ouija boards across the nation, promising she’s doing fine and hopes to be featured in an upcoming episode of supernatural haunting on basic cable.

Last week we were treated to a new video from Reverend Steve Newlin, doing his best to make sure California doesn’t hog the spotlight in the realm of biased marriage laws.

Apparently, this wasn’t the only trick in the good Reverend’s bag.

I have it on good authority that the Fellowship has started hosting “leadership conferences” as part of the Rising Sun Institute, where very special “chosen ones” (who can afford the entry fee) are being whisked away to undisclosed locations in Texas to become the new vanguard in the war to rid the world of the vampire plague. Aforementioned fee is quite steep from what I understand, but really, you can’t put a price on salvation… right Steve?

Lucky for you, a trip in the other direction is free.

As a human I always had a little trouble sleeping while I was in Bon Temps and oddly, becoming undead hasn’t done much to change the habit. So instead of tossing during those final hours before dawn, I usually end up channel surfing. This time it was well worth it, as I caught the latest episode of The Perspective. It’s reassuring to know that despite my departure, the vampire bandwagon continues to roll right along.

But for the record, I still can’t place Ms. Davis’ accent.

Though firmly nested back in Bon Temps for the time being, I’m still determined to keep track of vampire events in all parts of the world.  Turns out I didn’t have to look long.  The Perspective’s Victoria Davis has just interviewed Top Chef Tom Colicchio, a friend of vampires in his own right, who has now directed his talents towards a dish humans can enjoy while dining alongside guests who prefer Tru Blood.

While I’ve heard it’s delicious, Tom’s recipe also looks a good deal like our synthetic blood substitute- so do be sure to clearly label which is which when hosting dinner parties of mixed company, or your evening may end up much shorter than expected.