For such a new vampire I’ve often been told I have an old spirit. This might explain my relative disinterest in video games. In my human days, I never owned a game console, never rushed to buy the newest shoot em up or sports franchise. This often put me squarely in the minority among my peers. But being a vampire would change things.

Vampires are an ancient race, witness to numerous games that have come and gone, and it is only the best of these that can survive to maintain our interest. Chess. Knucklebones. Marbles. Even a pleasant evening of cards. So surely this relatively new fad of computerized entertainment would fail to hold sway.

Or so I thought.

I was shocked to accept an invitation to an undead friend’s dinner party the other evening, only to learn that afterwards we would be engaging in some game where we pretend to sing and play guitar. Even more surprising, none of the other guests seemed to mind. In fact, they were delighted, and began a conversation of their favorite selections. Magical quests to uncover artifacts, extraordinarily violent gore fests (although I’ve been told the blood inevitably looks completely fake), one undead even professed his love for a game that entails simply directing a human character through a virtual world populated with other avatars.

Why would vampires have such interest in video games? Our reflexes make even the most complicated mere child’s play. The scenarios crafting us into deadly beings or great heroes offers little more power than we have in real life as undead. Why waste time facing an enemy made up of digital code when we can face a true battle of wits against a real opponent?

I asked this outright at the party, the other vampires looked at me like I was insane.

“It’s fun, Andrew. Try it.”

Honestly, I still fail to see the point. But I did manage to learn something that night. My singing voice is no better now than it was when I was alive, as the computerized crowd at this make-believe rock concert told me in no uncertain terms:

You Suck.

It’s commonly stated that vampires never see daylight. But this isn’t entirely accurate. A vampire can see the sun. Watch it rise in brilliant glory. Take in every single streak of its dawning light.

And it will be the last thing he ever sees.

The act is called “meeting the sun.” I’ve never seen it firsthand, but I hear it’s an astounding sight, both terrible and beautiful. The vampire literally dissolves into oblivion, embracing the rays as they blind and burn him.

Most undead believe the decision goes beyond any human comprehension, that it takes unthinkable wisdom and perspective to end something that does not end, to sacrifice immortality. While I don’t doubt it, something about the act strikes me as unmistakably human, perhaps as close to it as any vampire can ever come.

After all, what could be more human than dying?

I can think of several vampires offhand who would be horrified by this statement. See it as tantamount to blasphemy, comparing the vampire’s unique decision to end his reign on this world to the brief ripple that is a human lifespan. But this isn’t about time, the number of years it takes to rightly determine his time has come. It’s about the ending itself. It’s about mortality. This is what separates us from humans. Whether a vampire’s existence spans one year or thousands, the fact remains he never has to accept that human truth that somewhere, sometime, everything ends. To meet the sun is not only to accept that, but embrace it. In a sense, no matter how ancient, it’s as though a vampire has decided to use his final act to become human again.

Maybe I feel this way because I’m so young, but I just can’t picture ever reaching that place. In vampire terms I was barely turned yesterday, but still I look forward to every single moment of my existence, to all the possibilities it offers. I don’t want to waste a single night, even in a life that doesn’t put any limit to their number. I want to live forever.

Why would any vampire choose otherwise?

As a human I always had a little trouble sleeping while I was in Bon Temps and oddly, becoming undead hasn’t done much to change the habit. So instead of tossing during those final hours before dawn, I usually end up channel surfing. This time it was well worth it, as I caught the latest episode of The Perspective. It’s reassuring to know that despite my departure, the vampire bandwagon continues to roll right along.

But for the record, I still can’t place Ms. Davis’ accent.

Yeah, yeah, the vampire tossing the pigskin in this human reader-submitted video has one serious arm. The fact that something like this causes such a bro-moment among the humans watching has us puzzled. We’re strong. That’s how we roll. Bro.

This video shows what can happen when a group of humans is confronted by a recently-turned vampire.

First, you should know that the freshly-undead vampire, intoxicated with his or her new skills, is pretty much game for anything. Drunk on their own power, yadda, yadda, yadda. Second, kids are kids, vampire or not. Third, kids get drunk and drunk kids are trouble.

So, yeah, people are jumping off of roofs and surviving to entertain their friends. Ok, fine. We suppose if vampires doing parlour tricks is the new gimmick that’s fine with us. Being found entertaining is way better than being found menacing. Sometimes.

This video, of a hardworking, up-and-coming vampire comedian has given me a case of the mal humor. Let’s talk about bad moods for a second. We vampires do love a mood. In fact, I’d say a lot of us are just straight up moody.

Have you seen one around an empty case of TruBlood? Not cute.

Hecklers, though an occupational hazard, can put even the most experienced comedian in a bad mood. A particularly nasty heckler might even make a former-sitcom-star-turned stand-up, say, lash out at the audience while being recorded on some frat boy’s camera phone.

But heckling a vampire is a dangerous endeavor. Nothing puts vampire comedians in a worse mood than hecklers. We are in a delicate situation, people, and don’t take kindly to outright slurs in a public setting (or a private one, for that matter). Provoking a vampire who is just trying to do his thing, then filming his reaction, then throwing the video up on the Internet is like teasing a puppy with a cracker then eating yourself. Well, not exactly. But it’s mean.

Be kind. Or else.

—Andrew